Head or the Heart

I want it but i know i shouldnt have it. It seems the easy way out but is it also the right way. It makes me happy but will it keep me happy? Have you ever witnessed this battle between the head and the heart? I think we all do…. and I surely do very often. Two most important organs of my body always wanting to run to different directions and so difficult to know which one should I follow.

Follow the heart and you end up in a mess and follow the head and you end up heartbroken. Which one is worse!

Follow the heart is what people say but can we leave our brains behind. Wasn’t life already too complicated. And why couldn’t it have been simpler. Why did heart need to give opinions when thinking and making decisions was the primary task of the head. Or is it a trick to confuse.

I try so hard to silence…. but whom do I need to silence… and if both were to be silent how would it feel and where would I go? But yes I think it would be wonderful… the silence….

I guess a toss of a coin should be a good way out next time… though I hope there ain’t a next time.


The social media…. getting personal!

I have many friends on facebook…. 350 or 400 or more maybe. But are these really friends? Most are perhaps just acquaintances. It takes a lot to be a friend. Isn’t it?  Anyways what makes me write this is my complete failure in understanding the social media… 

I am not anti facebook. In fact I absolutely love my newsfeed and all those awesome groups I am a part of that nourish and nurture my hobbies my desires… that so very often give me food for thought and bring some colours to my grey cells. There are many beautiful takeaways as well. 

What is beyond my comprehension is this craze for selfies… the celebrations which are more celebrated on the facebook… the love that only seems to be found nowadays on facebook. 

From teenagers to school going kids…. we have a selfie crazy world. Sometime back i happened to be in a shopping mall and i spotted a group of college friends…. each of them busy in getting themselves clicked. We go for an outing or in the middle of a celebration…. what is important is to get clicked. Earlier also we always clicked pictures when on a beautiful outing etc. But then the aim was to capture the moment… but now we are so busy capturing the moment that we forget to live the moment. 

What is even more crazy is the need to pass on the wishes to the one we love on a social webpage! And even crazier to spell out the love for my newborn…. this is a completely new way of cherishing relations perhaps. How about looking into the eyes of ur beloved while you utter those love notes! Or holding hands of your little one and telling them how precious they are. 

Perhaps the social media has made us more anti social! Or so I feel. 

Lessons from life…

We all have that eureka moment…. when we figure out answers to questions we did not ask but that were troubling us nevertheless or we find a way, a path, a learning, all on our own. 

Life is a series of tests. Tests for which we often complain we were not prepared. But sometimes we overlook the tools that god, or who so ever that supreme shinning light is in that awesome beautiful place we call heaven above, sends our way. We are perhaps in such a sulking mode that we overlook them. I look back and I see that everytime the waters got rough god always sent a float to help me reach the shore. The float provides immense strength, which helps us pass through with flying colours. And mind you the test in not for nothing. You have to be connected to observe the simplest and most beautiful rewards that come your way. 

I do not know what really destiny is? My mom told me that we can change our destiny throughour hard work. So then it is the fruit of our hard work isn’t it? Destiny is defined as the hidden power beleived to control our future. But the real power to control our future is within us… our hard work, commitment, perseverance. 

Life is pretty simple. We make it complex. We reap what we sow. Being connected with ourselves, not giving in to negativity in testing times, and constant commitment to whatever we do is what shall bring happiness from within. For the real happiness is only within. The power to make myself happy is with me. 

Smile and the world smiles back at you 🙂 

Another Goodbye!

For once it is not so much about the place but about the love i found here, the memories that I shall carry for a lifetime. This has been a life changing place for me

When almost 2.5years back I landed here… feburary 2014… little did i know that I would be gven the greatest gift god could have given me ever. A month later I came to know I had conceived. My joy had no limits…. I had accepted God’s wish always. I desired the blessing of motherhood often but I very strongly beleived that god grants you something when he thinks you are ready for it. 

Anyways so I have spent happy pregnancy days here…. The green quite environment has given me peaceful moments. Most of my time was spent in the house and sometimes on short walks in the canttonment. So i really don’t know much of city. Luckily hubby was free in the evening most days during pregnancy and so we shared beautiful walks… often talking and thinking about the baby to come. It is a beautiful cantt. Huge beautiful green trees… 

We were, supposedly, privileged to have an old bungalow kind of house. I have often cribbed about it to my husband but now as i go… i only carry happy days spent here. Last evening walking outside while my daughter jumped and ran around I travelled in time and nostalgia hit. I once again looked onto those tall dark deep trees…. which made me feel peaceful so often. The huge lawn… the beautiful birds and their endless chirping. It is very very quite here…. human voices and vehicle sounds are rare… so the beautiful chirping of the birds is so much louder. Also all that greenery must be very inviting as I have seen some of the most beautiful birds here. Peacocks is a common sight!

I love sitting out on beautiful early mornings when the sunlight sieves through the trees. Often I have been motivated and carried my mat to do my morning round of yoga in nature’s lap. 

I also love sitting outside when it rains… watching the trees the grass and the sky all look even more beautiful, sipping tea and of late also watching my little girl dance in the rain and relish every bit of it. 

I also loved the winter sun… the beautiful clear sky and sitting and soaking the sun. And the last winters Myra had time of her life playing in mud, and also sometimes uprooting my plants.

I loved the huge windows and the winter sun fill into the dinning hall while we had breakfast. 

Except for in the peak summers and in rains when the grass grew beyond control, i loved the house. I did have a tough time keeping things together in those early days after my daughter was born due to huge rooms and the kitchen in one corner while she slept in another. But the size and space was good when she started crawling. She crawled all over the house and all the floor time led to her gaining body strength. 

I will miss this cause every corner carries memories of beautiful days. That small room where we spent first winter saving her from the harsh cold… or the huge room which was mostly scattered with toys until she slept. The drawing room where i caught on some yoga while she looked out the door or just crawled around…. and also the dinning hall where she self weaned into a child who eats with a mind of her own. We have shared awesome meal times here and also playtimes while I ran errands in the kitchen. 

The bathrooms yes where we potty trained and awesome time splashing water. This is perhaps what hurts most…. creating beautiful memories and then having to move on when you are falling deeply in love. I know what is to come is even more beautiful…. but the heart experienced this and cannot but feel sad. 

Goodbyes are the hardest but we must welcome the new… there is a lot I am looking forward to and when we are together does place really matter? We will create more memories and leave them behind again 😊

Nostalgia Must be my Middle Name!


I wanted to get some prints of my 20 month old daughter’s pictures to put up. So i happened to be scanning old folders… and guess what within minutes I started feeling nostalgic. she is not even two yet and I already happened to be missing her baby days. The days when she did not even have a clear vision… the days when she would look around and give her beaming smile now and then… when she started standing… crawling and so on. A baby grows up too fast. and now i understand what it means when they say you have a baby for only a year.

Anyways this is not about her… it is about this nostalgia… that I experience oh so often… that makes me miss things which are not over yet. Miss a friend who has not left but I know won’t be around tomorrow. Miss a city before we have even left.And of course yes… miss the good old days!

I am not a very big fan of change. I like things to be… people to be… places to be… And yet change is the only constant in my life.

Nostalgia must not be good because it goes against my belief of being in the moment. It makes my heart run in places which exist in the past and it makes me long for them. But is there a cure? I wish there were…. because longing for sure is not a good feeling. Especially longing for what is over… and will never be. It only causes heart ache… The world is not standing still… it is moving constantly… and so we must move too. We cannot stop carrying a beautiful past in our hearts… but memories is all that we can cherish and we must know that.

I had been experiencing deep strong violent longings for past two days… and then looking at her old pictures made me even more nostalgic. Nostalgia is the essence of the week it seems….  Anyways it is weekend and I think I will celebrate the past with a glass of wine…. i cannot live in the past because it does not exist and future may not. All I have is now and this is the moment to live, to celebrate life and all its beauty and create more memories to cherish and to remain nostalgic forever.


Karvachauth…… redefined

So last night while almost half the women in my country were hungry and thirsty for the long lives of their beloved husbands, I was sitting at my usual 7 pm and relishing some awesome pizza (maid was fasting and on leave) and the husband had to tell me that if not fast at least don’t overeat 😂. So this was second time consecutively that I did not fast… last year being pregnant and this year since I am feeding my little one.

Perhaps as a young girl I found Karvachauth the most romantic festival… the girl goes hungry for the guy she loves while the guy reciprocates and pamper the girl…. this was how it was pictured in those yash chopra and later karan johar movies.

No I am not religious… i am just a spiritual person… I follow customs cause I like customs and not because I fear god. God is to be loved and not feared. So I started fasting as a young girl… just because i liked the idea of it..

And then post marriage there is so much more glamour to it. The first karvachauth was away from each other so was perhaps like before just that I had my mom in law with me. The second one was together and I was aghast since no reciprocating but yes the pampering compensated. So third and fourth I kept trying to tell him that it would be nice if he reciprocates and hence he gave me a new theory. .. if I too fast than where is the greatness of your fast and even though he shook the foundation of my romantic idea I was more than convinced….

Anyhow slowly the whole romantic idea started fading… age I guess. And then so did the glamour of dressing up… that too hungry and thirsty. So my pooja started happening in pajamas with just a pretty dupatta on top.

My mom in law is a very cool person and does not follow customs blindly. She never asked anything or insisted. In fact this whole redefining of karvachauth happened while I was having a conversation with her.

So I realise that perhaps what would make him healthy and happy is less stress and more happiness. Like I was telling my mom in law… perhaps a days maun vrat (pledge to remain quiet) would make his life longer than me going hungry and thirsty. Of course I am not sure I can go mute for very long but perhaps I can pledge to be good and rather than seek pampering… pamper him. Make the day special for him. Celebrate the festival… dress up.. pooja… mehndi etc and a feast at home that he enjoys. And a day filled with love and a promise to love unconditionally.

Perhaps a fruit fast in name of custom and detoxify my body but yes feast for him 🙂 with the changing times perhaps customs too need to be slightly changed….

perfectly imperfect….

At three, whenever i colored I could never ever manage to remain within the lines, as our teacher would instruct us. No matter how much i tried i dirtied my notebooks at some or the other place. It was so difficult to keep it perfect. Now I am thirty three and no matter how hard I try I always spill the tea while pouring, always spill the vegetable on the gas stove, and even now bang into furniture so hard that last year on my 33rd birthday I managed to fracture my toe nail.

In my teens I hoped that it was an adolescence phase and that I would become better…. 13 turned into 23 and even now the story remains unchanged. Off course in my heart and according to my dad in my mannerism I yet am a 3 year old.

Hmmm…. I am a clumsy girl…. I spill… I drop….  I hurt myself every now and then… but yet I am perfect. What is important is that we end on a wow!! End that class on a wow!! End that meal on a wow!! End that cup of tea on a wow!! End each day on a wow!!

No matter how hard the way has been, how many pebbles or how many puddles…. what makes a journey is  that it ends on a beautiful view and then it does not matter anymore.

So when I am making that cup of coffee which is perhaps the simplest one could do, I may spill the milk and then spill some coffee and sugar, and then burn my hand :P, and in the end while pouring it into those beautiful mugs…. again spill some more…. errr….. but then it all would loose meaning when the one it is made for takes the first sip and goes “wow”…. and for me perfection is not in not spilling or not falling…. but in that “wow”…. that comes from the heart.

I love to have a routine… wake up in time and then 1…2….3….4…. until i sleep. But then I also love to hit the snooze button. I love to catch those extra 10 minutes of sleep, which later make me run to make it in time. I have a schedule to follow…. but I love to get carried away every now and then. I love to sit and just gaze into nowhere. Love to sit in the sun and look for infinity at that tree, the birds, the squirrels and just nothing.

I am lazy and every day I may not make something exquisite… but the day I get to it…. the best becomes better still 🙂

Perfection is not in being “as good as” someone….. but in a bigger wow every next time. So when i run… I do not run to compete but to feel good. I am an individual and in this world everything is perfect in its very own ways and so am I.

What is a perfect moment? Where the smile comes right from the heart and shines in our eyes. What how when where are just simple statistics.

Which day is perfect? The one where you wake up with a smile and fall back with an even bigger beam. The one where in spite of all things going wrong you remain good and yes smile…. and make others smile as well. Happiness is not in getting g it right always… but in giving the best of you… always.

Which was the most beautiful day… it surely was not the one we extensively planned… It was perfect because it just happened to be. It generally is a day full of surprises. Some old lost friend calls up, on a hot summer afternoon rain gods show mercy ( against weather forecast), finding money in a place you kept it and forgot. Had you gone about planning it and wanting it to unfold just perfectly…. it could have even been a disaster.

And when this attitude finally dawns on you, you realise that you are perfect cause you even accept your imperfections as  perfection. Life is not a competition but a beautiful experience. Do give in your best but not to the point of heartache. Whatever you do just ensure it does not steal your smile. because smile is what makes it all perfect.

I do not know if it all made any sense to you… but to me it does and I’m surely loving it 🙂